Leukemia

          Strength. A term used every day.  But what does it really mean? Is it being able to lift that one extra weight at the gym? Or being brave during times of despair? Or being able to stay positive during an illness that could end up being terminal, such as cancer. All of these define strength and Haden DeRoberts shows strength in such a way that no one can train for, and that was when he was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Haden was aware of cancer but as a student at Grandview High School, he always thought, “This could never happen to me”.  So when the results of his blood test came back as saying that he had leukemia he was just as shocked as everyone in his community. Haden knew he would have to stay strong.  He knew he would have to take a year off from college at Ohio University, but it would all be worth it to come out a healthier, stronger person. There would be times of fear, doubt, and the feeling of giving up, but Haden knew what he had to do. This strength he would have to acquire would not be based on how much weight he could lift, but how positive he could stay through some of the scariest times of his life.

 

          Haden woke up and was feeling under the weather like most days during this time. He was home from college for a short period of time due to his sickness. Today was the day he will go to the doctors to find out if he has mono or not. He was showing all the symptoms like exhaustion, sore throat, extreme thirst and weakness. His parents did not know what was going on, but they were worried. His mind was set on having mono and nothing else. The thought of falling behind in school and missing out on hanging with his friends brought daily stress to his life. He just wanted an answer to what was happening with his sickness so he could continue on with his normal life.

 

          Haden got dressed and made his way out of the door. When he got to the car he was already feeling fatigued, his muscles were aching from overuse, and the sun made his thirst even greater than it already was. The drive to the doctors felt like an eternity to Haden because the anticipation was growing with each mile that he traveled. Finally he arrived at the doctors office and consulted with the doctor. The doctor asked him the normal questions like, “What are your symptoms?”, “How long have you been feeling like this?”, and “Have you taken any medicine lately?”. The symptoms seem abnormal to the doctor especially for mono, so the doctor made him do a blood test that would test him for many different things. Haden’s blood was then drawn and the following days were full of anxiety and anticipation. “What is wrong with me?” Haden asked himself throughout the days following the appointment. Then the news broke.

 

          “Haden, we need to talk,” Haden’s dad told him. Haden sat down and was ready for an answer. “The doctor says you have acute myelogenous leukemia.”  Mr. DeRoberts started to cry as well as Mrs. DeRoberts. Haden just sat there and did not move, he did not move his eyes or his limbs, he just stared off into the distance. Haden did not think once to cry because shock paralyzed his body and he could not do anything, but accept that he had leukemia. The family sat there for about five minutes of continuous sobbing and staring off. Haden did not know what to do initially. Should he hug them and comfort them? But he was the one that had the cancer, not his parents. They should be hugging him. No one moved until the dogs started barking. Haden’s parents both got up to let them outside and Haden went to his room and sat in silence and thought of the inevitability to come. He will have to take this disease on by storm and nothing will stop him. Nothing.

 

          Next step is to tell his family and friends. Haden had to gather the courage to stand up in front of his loved ones and tell them the horrific news. Somehow Haden would have to look his loved ones in the eye and tell them he was slowly dying. Yes, he was slowly dying and the only way he would stop dying is by treatment which he will not receive for another few weeks. Haden had a hard time accepting that death was slowly overcoming his body. Strength was something Haden would really need in the next few months. Haden was a strong and powerful kid, but the strength he needed was much different.

 

          His mind was restless with trying to figure out what words to put together. The emotional toll was starting to really set in. He felt lonely and sick to the stomach not wanting to hurt his loved ones and make them worried. His heavy heart did not want to do it but he knew he would have to tell eventually.

 

          Haden made his announcement a couple days after being diagnosed. Family and friends were shocked just as much as Haden and his parents were because how could a guy like Haden be touched by such a terrible thing? But it lifted a weight off of his shoulders, brought a sense of calmness. However, it was just a simple obstacle compared to what the future beholds. A difficult and treacherous journey of recovery.  

 

          The next doctors appointment included a physical exam and another blood test. The physical exam included checking Haden’s weight, height, the extremity of his symptoms and how dangerous the cancer was. Based on the physical exam the doctor would decide what treatment would be best for Haden. Haden was scared of treatment, especially chemotherapy. The doctor decided that chemo will be the best treatment for Haden’s condition. Everything Haden had heard about chemotherapy before was now about to become a reality. Haden would have to tap into his physical strength to overcome the treatment and to not let cancer prevail.

 

          Haden learned that he would have to stay home from school for the duration of his sickness because of the treatment. That was definitely something he did not want to do. He loved Ohio University and all of his friends. The environment made him happy. College was an experience that he would never forget, but now he had to put that experience on hold and focus on getting better. It was not fair. Haden was hit with this awful news and then he learned he could not go to school until he was better. All of his friends were probably going to have the best time of their lives at college while Haden sat in hospitals, took medication and tried to fight his cancer. As time went on, Haden knew what he had to do and that was to accept the fact he had to put his life on hold and focus on himself. He used to never focus on himself. He always cared for others and made sure everyone else was happy. But the times have changed and he would have to put himself before others.  

 

          A few weeks went by and Haden felt extremely lonely. He had not seen his friends in over a month and both of his parents worked so he barely had any human interaction. He had not yet received treatment, but the time was coming up. Haden was angry because the last few weeks in solitude were unnecessary. He had not yet received treatment so he was feeling like he always had, which was sick. Haden was angry and lonely and both of those emotions together caused him to experience depression. All Haden wanted was to get treatment over with and move on with his life. He missed his old life so much and he would do anything to return to the way it used to be.

 

          The day had finally come for Haden to receive chemo. The drip was hooked up to his vein and the fluid started entering the body. Haden was scared, which was expected. The symptoms that would appear in the next few days would weaken Haden’s body so much that he would not be able to do anything. Haden sat in the chair and recognized that he would be back in this chair next month and the month after that and many more after that. Treatment for Haden would last 8 months. 8 months of agonizing pain and a life filled with despair were beginning today. Haden remained in the chair for 20 minutes everyday of the first week. The week had gone by and the first round of chemo was in his body. Haden wondered why he could not just receive all of his chemo rounds in one sitting, why did he have to take 8 months to receive it all? The doctor told him, “Chemotherapy is a weird concept. It is poison that enters the body and kills almost everything that it can. That is why your hair will fall out, your skin will peel and you will vomit up all of your food. Along with all of those things it also kills the cancer. Hang in there buddy, I will see you next month.” Haden felt confused. The thing that would keep him alive was a poison that destroys almost everything in the body. Only time would tell when the symptoms started to show up. Haden thought he was prepared for the harsh life that would soon become of him. So he thought.

 

          The symptoms started to slowly develop after the first week of chemo. He started to become very nauseous and his skin had become very dry and started to peel. His mom cut off his hair because it would happen inevitably. Before he knew it, Haden started throwing up everything he ate. He experienced “little battles” everyday in his life. He knew that if he ate his favorite solid foods then he would throw it up later. The only foods he could eat were broth based foods and those with a lot of liquid in it. He missed his hair, his favorite foods and the comfort of being healthy. The first month of chemo was the hardest and longest for Haden. Treatment forced Haden to succumb to the new lifestyle it enforced upon him. After a long, grueling month Haden wound up in the chemo chair again. “One month down, seven more to go.” Haden thought as he received chemo on the first day. Treatment was like a cycle for Haden. It started with receiving chemo, then being affected by the symptoms, then starting to feel better and then he had to start it all over again. “Chemo is a bitch” Haden said every time he got up out of the chair. That was the truth. Chemo surely was a bitch that inflicted his body with painful symptoms but also saved him from death. The cycle continued until he was finally done with chemo. The battle of chemo was accomplished and he was so happy that he was finally done with treatment.          

 

          Haden was exhausted after finishing chemo, but he knew that it was finally over. Even though he was extremely weak, finally being done with chemotherapy was a huge accomplishment. All he thought about was getting back to school and getting to see his friends. He was overjoyed to go to more concerts, to have more fun, and to live his life the way he wanted to. He continued to have pain most of the time, but he told himself that it only gets better from here. Haden had all of this hope that gave him even more strength than he had before being diagnosed with cancer. Beating cancer was a life changing event in Haden’s life but no one would have guessed what was about to happen next.

 

          Haden had been planning on going back to school and seeing his friends, but he didn’t expect having another obstacle in his life. One early morning Haden had been awoken by his father. Haden looked up and saw that his father had tears in his eyes. The three hardest words anyone could say to Haden, were said again. “You have cancer,” his dad said to him. “You’ve had a relapse.” Haden, shocked, didn’t know how to react. All his dreams on going back to college or going to a bunch of concerts were just shattered. He hoped that he could’ve just woken up from a bad dream, but he knew that this was reality. But how could this happen? He had been cancer free for three months, but now he had to face it all over again? His life would have to be put on hold even more than it already had been, and he would have to go through chemotherapy once again.

 

          Second time around, chemotherapy was still a bitch. The hair that grew back on Haden had to be shaved off again because his hair was bound to fall out. His skin started peeling off again, and everything he ate was constantly thrown up. He was always suffering because of the pain. His emotional health vastly declined, and he was having trouble with depression and anxiety. Because he could not go back to college, he could not see his friends as much as he wanted to. They didn’t have a lot of time to visit either because of the amount of studying and schoolwork they had. His depression worsened because of not being able to see his friends. But as much physical and emotional pain chemo caused Haden, he still knew that he had to get through this if he wanted to beat cancer once and for all.

 

          After chemotherapy was finally done, Haden knew he had won this battle. He returned to a healthy lifestyle and was able to go back to college. His hair grew back and his skin wasn’t peeling anymore, and he could finally eat his favorite foods again. He was so excited to see his friends and to be able to be in school with them. He was enrolled in the next school year and he was so excited to return. His life was finally starting to return to normal besides all of the medications that he still had to take. Haden was stronger than ever. His strength was unlike anyone else’s. The pain and tribulation that Haden had encountered had now exited his life. Motivation became a big part of Haden’s life. His dreams were now much more achievable with his new motivation. Haden always thought, “I can do anything I want to with my life.” And he could. Haden had overcome the hardest battle of his life and now he can do anything. Haden will always have amazing strength that will never let him down.

 

          Each obstacle that occurred in Haden’s battle was a test that challenged his strength. Although Haden was scared of cancer, he was not afraid of the battle. He made it his goal to beat cancer and to prove that he was strong enough to overcome it. He knew that he had to stay strong for himself and for his family. Haden was a physically strong person, but he also had this amazing strength that helped him prevail in the battle. Haden took on fear, doubt, and the feeling of giving up head on. But during his battle he also never lost faith, courage, and most of all hope. Haden DeRoberts is a perfect example of strength. Even when he felt like giving up, all he thought about was how amazing it will feel to finally beat cancer. He took on cancer, battled it, and defeated it. So what does define strength? Are there different degrees of strength?  Well, strength can be defined as someone who isn’t afraid to fight their own battles, and as someone who never loses hope.